Joe

hmm i dont even remember the last time i typed something here
i dont even know if i still ahve friends on this thing hah

well all i have to say is fuck
yeah thats right fuck just about everything

Work has been going good, its easy to keep my mind off of things and just focus for a change. Though I did burn my hand and part of my arm , I dont have much hair on my wrist at the moment. And I cut myself with a broken glass. But other than that the job is sweet. Jake, Dave, and Tyle work there to so its fun to mess around with them when we get the chance.
I played some football Saturday which I havent done in ages and it was fun. I got to QB and hit people, though Ill always prefer hockey it was pretty sweet. Me and JP finally are going to start putting the band together. Jason, JP, and I are getting together for sure this week.
I can not wait to get the hell out of school. It sucks have one more damn year left.
I need to stop thinking about stuff. Thinking is overrated.
I also need to start choosing a college. God Ill never hear the end of it with my father.
There is no pleasing him. I could be 99% perfect and Id still never do anything right in his eyes.
When I used to feel this down I used to be able to turn to people. Now I feel like I cant. Which is probably not true but I still feel that way.
If only Tommy were here. Its odd how one person leaving can affect you so much. I often find myself thinking Ill give him a call to come over, completely forgetting its about a $900 flight to come on over.
I'm still piecing together like its of film for my video documentary thingy.
Its odd how people always tell you that the friends you have now won't be your friends in 2 years. Well then why do these people that we are apparently going to lose shape who we are for the rest of our lives. I may never see Tommy again but the things we did and went through have affected me since before he was gone and will continue to affect me.
Its odd.
Life.
The world.
People.
Me.
Its odd.

Who am I?


What defines me?


What characterizes me?


I have no idea.

Im not a bad ass. Far from it. I dont do anything wrong. I get good grades. I dont do a super lot outside of school. Im responsible. Im nice. I dont do a damn thing wrong. Yet I still suck at life. Its odd. I never believed that nice guys finish last but Im beginning to believe it. 
Im not siting anything in particular for causing this its just been in general with whats going on. 
I feel that because people expect so much from me I cant slip up. Im not allowed to make a mistake. Maybe Im just going crazy or mad.

Well I guess Ill update everyone on whats happened since I last updated this. JP and I are finally working on our band. We just need a drummer  and we have 3 canidates in mind at the moment. We havent decided on an official name but so far we have several high possibliities. 1) Enter the Crypt 2) The History of Sorrow 3) Body Count Rising 4) A Dark Force Rising 5) Blood Red Massacre 6)Crypt Keepers. Those are the top 6 as of now. So far its leading to Enter the Crypt or The History of Sorrow.
Let me know your favorite. I came up with all of these haha. Were hoping to be making some stuff or atleast be ready to at Christmas Break. We have the amazing Will on guitar, JP on vocals and at the moment Im playing bass or guitar depending on which one we end up needing more. So far its leading to bass cuz  we cant find anyone to play what we want that is as good as me.

Well I didnt go to Homecoming. I went to a wedding. It was fun. The whole Homecoming weekend ended up being shit for me in the end so for those of you that fun... well ur lucky.

School is going ok. I definitely shouldve taken AP government and Honors English. Im so bored cuz theyre so easy. I miss arguing with Mr Sack everyday lol.

Im looking forward to ski club. I love boarding. 

I need to decided what my big gift for Christmas will be. A new snowboard, an Mp3 player, a new paintball gun, possibly a new guitar , or something else maybe. Idk.


Even on the lightest days it seems so dark
No ray of light seems to pierce my heart
Ive been living in a sea of darkness 
Forgotten, alone , lost in the abyss

I just can't seem to find 
any way out of here
To  many Ive died
but im still here just lost in my own fear

Even on the warmest day my bones are chilled
Freezing me to death like Ive been killed
No amount of words of warmth can heat my skin
Body temperature reads dead 

Blood runs red 
Body temperature dead
Icy cold veins
Cant conceal these pains

Even on the lightest days it seems so dark
No ray of light seems to pierce my heart
Ive been living in a sea of darkness 
Forgotten, alone , lost in the abyss

I love study hall I get to write lyrics.

           I got my interim and its not as good as I had hoped. Im over course passing Photo with a 99%.  But Im disappointed in my other grades. Im doing better in Spanish though. Im hoping to get straight B's this year. If I do theyll count as A's cuz its an honors class. I wish I had taken Honors English. We won our football game, we beat the crap out of Valley Forge 42 to 7. It poured the whole game and we had a 30 minute delay due to lightning. It was a long and wet night. I need to get a job. As soon as football is over Im getting one. I need to get my license which means I need a job. Ive got to get in gear. I need to sign up for SATS and ACTS. My aunt and uncle came over from Chicago this weekend. Itll be good to see them. Ive seen them a lot this year cuz of my grandmas declining health and death. Its been the only good thing caused by that. Im having a hard time chosing and thinking and feeling and everything. Im strange.

I feel worthless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which I probably am.

I dont much anymore. Things are strange. I feel weird. Myself is not myself. Im tired of school. I wish I understood things better. I cant decide on anything. What I want I cant have. I always settle and let people get what they want. Yet thats never returned for me. Why am I saying this. I dont know what the hell is going on. I miss my grandma. I hate it when my dad and brother fight. I hate fighting. I think theyre the reason I hate grudges and such. Im strange and weird. But I really dont care anymore. I dont know why I cared in the first place. I apologize for this entry. Im running on no sleep, I had to wake up early today and edit film, and Im really down right now. JP got knocked down the stairs and messed up his knee. Then he broke his finger so so much for starting our long awaited band. We only have 2 people. Me and him. Maybe Will. It probably wont work. But were determined to try. My family and I are going on a cruise that my dad promised for my moms 50th birthday. Which was 3 years ago. Were going in January. I want to go. But I dont. My brother is going to say its boring and blah blah blah then my dad will get mad at him theyll which will make my mom upset so Ill be down because we havent gone on vacation in 3 years and the last 2 we were on turned out to be disasters. I dont see many of my friends in school except some in Spanish. I just wish for once things would go my way.

Well I havent updated this in like forever.

This summer hasnt been to good for me. Maybe school will help. I doubt it.

Well the day before Warped Tour I went with JP and his brother , Chris, Nick and Greg to Geauga ake. It was sweet. I hadnt seen JP in awhile and it was awesome. It was also kinda sad cuz it was his brother Andrews last day here before he went off to college. It made me really sad cuz Ive known him for a long time and it was always great to hang out with him. The only plus of him leaving is that JP gets his car. Warped Tour was awesome. I didnt see all the bands I wanted to but it was still really fun. I went with Sam, Rachel and Mel and sams sister and her friend cuz JP couldnt go. Mel and I were gonna get picked up by my mom when she got off work. When she picked us up she said that my grandma whos been in the hospital and stuff for about 6 weeks had slipped even more and my grandfather suggested we go down to see her. It was really sad cuz she could barely open her eyes and talk. We didnt stay to long cuz she was relaly tired. I wish we had cuz she died that Sunday. This week has been really hard.

Ive been thinking way to much. It seems like Ive lost people this summer. My grandma died, Tommy moved away, Andrews gone...... I just dont know. This summer has made me really grateful for my friends and has made me realize just how special your friends are and that theyre always there for you no matter what. I dont know what Id do without them.

Well this is a hard entry to write. This week was Tommys last in Ohio. Hes heading up to Calgary Canada. Its a nice city but to fucking far away. I dont  even think Ill be able to see him before he leaves and its really killing me. Ive been busy with my grandma (whos doing much better and isn going to die thankfully) and filming and just other stuff. Its ashame hes leaving. He was one of my close friends and someone I could always depend. So Ive yet lost another one on that short list. Yeah so this week has been a major downer. It completely sucks. I sure am gonna miss him.

P.S. Hes not a scene kid so shove it.

Well today was the first day of filming football. It was hot. Very hot but it rained so that was kinda nice.
I film from 830 to 4 the next 2 weeks.
JP got back on Tuesday which is sweet. Im hoping to hang out with him soon. 
Tonight Im going to see my grandma.
Tomorrow Im hoping to go over to Mels after football.
Saturday is my cousins wedding. Itll be pretty fun.

Today Im heading to Jasons and me, him, Kyle and bunch of others are going to play some intense system link Halo and Battlefront 2. Its going to be awesome. It sucks its today though cuz  wanted to go see Clerks 2 with Mel tonight but I had this planned first and stuff. Itll be good to just let loose and just  get my mind off things. Im still sad but Im doing better. 

I went to baseball today and its fucking hell outside. Tomorrow Im going to the pool and hopefully Mel is coming with me.

Thursday I start to film football practice with Jason. Its going to be so hot. Luckily were going to get paid for our work. And we like it.

Well I havent updated this in awhile. Things have happened since I last did but theres to much to put so if you really want to know you can ask me.

Today is my moms company picnic at Swings-N-Things. Ironically there are no swings there. Im going to ride the Go Karts non stop. My cousin works at Swings-N-Things so itd be cool if I saw here there.

JP should be getting back from Hawaii soon. Which is awesome. We're looking forward to playing a shitload of Halo and just chillin with each other which we havent done in awhile. Ok well actually we hung out like 2 days before he left.

Yeah I feel like shit.

Ive realized things recently. Im jealous of a lot of things. And I hate it!!!

Today is me and Mels 1 year anniversary!!!
So yeah we're cooler than you. Today should be like a national holiday.
Yay today is going to be amazing. Pirates of the Carribean, ice cream, being with Mel all day!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im expecting presents and lots of congratulations and maybe a car or something nice like that. 

Well In less than 24 hours itll be my one year anniversary with Mel!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Its amazing. Im so glad its lasted this long and I dont want it to end and I dont plan on that happening. I love her a lot! Tomorrow were going to see the new Pirate of the Carribean and then going back to her house. Im hoping to see her today as well.

Now for some catching up.
Earlier last week I hung out with JP. He got back from Florida and then got his wisdom teeth out. It was sweet we played Halo and Battlefront and hung out in the pool. It was great to see him again.
Both my grandmas fell over the weekend. One broke her pelvis and one broke her hip.O joy more time in the hostpital and nursing homes till they get home.
Saturday= Saras birthday party! It was fun I was glad I got to see everyone cuz I really havent a lot over the summer.
Sunday= visited gmas
Monday= Mel came over and we went to visit my grandpa to see fireworks in Medina where he and my gma live. I think our visit cheered him up cuz hes realy upset about my gma.
Tuesday= Hung out iwth JP again. We played 4 on 4 system link Halo. It was sweet. Unfortunately hes going to San Antonio for a little over a week wuth his church or something so I wont be able to hangout with him for awhile. I went up and saw the fireworks for Strongsville later.
Wednesday= Helped my dad do some body work on the Honda. Talked with Mel a lot! And umm I cant really think of anything else I did.
Today= So far I havent done much. Ive cleaned up the house. Im hoping to go see Mel later today!
Reel Big Fish/Streetlight Manifesto are playing Saturday. I want to go soo bad but Im not. In Flames is also palying that night to. Sounds of the Underground Tour. Im not going to that either. Its kind of depressing. And A7X isn playing Warped Tour theyll be at Ozzfest which decided not to play Cleveland this year.


11 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yay!

Ok well as most of you know I have a love for filming and photos and that such. Well Ive decided to make a documentary. Its going to take atleast one year to make and maybe more. Im not sure what exactly its going to be called but its basically going to be about friendship and high school and stuff and yeah its gonna be awesome. Im gonna have my camera with me most of the time when im hanging out with friends and stuff so yeah all of you beware. O and if you have any video thats around that subject give it to me and ill add it to my collection and to the documentary. So yeah just felt like letting you all know.

I dont feel like adding anything.
And I dont really have anything to add....so yeah ummm go A7X.

Ok well Im terrible at updating this thing so this is going to be a long entry. Well not that long because I dont have much to say, like usual. Well Thursday I went car shopping wiht my dad. Now before all of you go omfg! you got a car! let me notify you that the car is for my dad. His car is older than I am and needs to be replaced. So we went looking...all the way out in Solon. Hes looking a Chrysler Sebring convertible. He ended up buying it Friday we he and my mom went to look at it again. ITs a nice car even though its white. So now my brother and I get to share my dads old Honda Accord. But we still cant drive it that much. My dad is still going ot use it as his main car sooo yeah it kinda sucks but o well now we have a better chance of getting wheels.

On Friday Mel came over and we went to the mall. It was cool we saw Annie in Spencers. Ive seen her like 3 times in the past 2 weeks which is sweet. We got some food and stuff and then my dad picked us up and we went back to my house and played Scrabble and some card games. It was fun.

Saturday I helped my dad with this craft show he went to. He sold a couple of his signs which is good and a couple people are probably going to order some. I went down to PJs for awhile. Then went home for dinner then went back to PJs and played Airsoft with Michael and PJ. It was sweet. Then PJ slept over and we played the original Gauntlet for about 2 hours. I talked to Mel for a little bit then we fell asleep watching Eurotrip.

Today I have no idea what Im going to do. Most likely be bored. My dad will probably find something for me to do for him. My mom is going to a wedding shower.

Well I suppose I should update this.
My shoulder is getting better. Thank fucking god. Im so sick of it. Mel and I saw The Lake House. IT was pretty good.Then we got Cold Stone ice cream yummm.I need a job. So I can get my license.
Im really sick of my family. Wel correct that. My dad. And my borther sometimes. I miss JP. He needs to come back from Florida. I love Mel a lot.

Well I should probably update this. Wedsnday Mel came over after school. he last day of sophmore year. Its crazy. Well we watched The Family Stone. It was pretty good. I also got to see Mel on Friday! We started to watch Sky Captain and the world of tomorrow but we stopped it cuz Mel didnt really like and i had already seen it. We went to the libraryand checked out some movies. We got gothika and watched it with her mom. It was really fun. OOand our characters on The Sims died. It was amusing.Saturday i didnt really do much. I slept in cuz i dont sleep well cuz of my shoulder. Afdter waking up the next 4 to 5 hours were taken up playing video games. I took a walk later since i cant ride my bike and after dinner i went to thwe mall with my mom and i saw Annie in Spencers.
I watched Headbangers Ball on MTV2. I love that show but i always forget to watch it. after that was jackass so i watched that then went to bed. Today Im going to myt cousins graduation party and Mel gets to come with me. Im really looking forqward to it. Well im done I wish thi was a little neater but with only one hand o well im suree all of u people can deal with it.